End friendship – so you stay fair

End friendship - so you stay fair

Ending a friendship is never easy, but sometimes necessary. We’ll help you make the right decision and show you how to respectfully separate.

When we are unhappy and dissatisfied in a love relationship, it often leads to a separation. Maybe there is a big bang or a subtle insight that it just doesn’t work. In any case, the end of a partnership is very difficult and emotional. 

Countless films and songs give us a good insight into what such a separation should look like. We know how to end a relationship with dignity. And then we cry quietly lovesickness or are happy about the new freedom.

But what if we feel uncomfortable in a friendship? When should we hold on to this relationship and how do we know that the signs point to separation? And how exactly does it work: break up with friends?

End friendship: Don’t act rashly

Ending a friendship is a decision that cannot be easily undone. You put someone else in his place and injure him. Therefore, you should not handle this decision lightly and never act thoughtlessly.

When you are very upset, take some time to organize your thoughts and feelings. Negative emotions like anger or disappointment are often bad advisers. Take a deep breath, take a distance. Only then should you consider whether it is really better to draw a line.

Reflect calmly for yourself: What is the trigger for you to question friendship? Is it a violent argument or are they ongoing conflicts? Maybe you have the feeling that you have different expectations of friendship or that you simply have nothing to say to each other.

End friendship: These reasons speak for it

Ongoing conflicts can end a friendship.
(Photo: CC0 / Pixabay / rawpixel)

Is a violent dispute the trigger that you want to end your friendship? Then think about the following:

  • It sounds hackneyed, but an argument always involves two people. Even if it’s difficult – think about the responsibility you have for the dispute. Have you been unfair or hurtful Did you hit a sore spot and therefore provoke a conflict?
  • Is the reason for your argument bigger and more important than your friendship? Has the trigger broken your trust so much that you can’t forgive? Or you can still look each other in the eye?
  • Even if you’re close friends, you don’t always have to agree. Is it possible for you to find a compromise? Can you agree that you have different views? Is it possible to avoid the topic in the future or to discuss it objectively? If so, what does it take??

Are no less stressful ongoing conflicts in friendship. Before you draw a line, question your situation:

  • What are the reasons for this tense mood between you? Is there a big topic or a lot of smaller points that you come up against??
  • If your friends have different views than you, it can be irritating. But mutual respect and tolerance can open up great opportunities to learn from each other and grow together.
  • Of course there are still absolute no-go’s with friends. This includes the feeling of being in competition, trumping or playing off the other, feeling jealous or acting unfavorably. In a friendship you should support each other and be happy with each other’s success.

A friendship can also be stressful if both people different ideas and attach expectations to it. Be aware of the following:

  • Don’t you feel comfortable because you don’t have friendship at eye level? Think about where the imbalance comes from. Of course, you can also ask the other person how he or she sees and evaluates your friendship. So you can take both sides into account.
  • With friends, you should be able to rely on them being there for you. This means that they celebrate the great sides of life with you but are reliable even in bad times and stand by you. Can this friendship offer you this or do you both expect different things?
  • It is often stressful if one of the two invests a lot more in friendship and wants closer contact than the other. In this case, it is particularly important to look for the conversation. This way you can avoid rejections and injuries.

Are you considering ending the friendship because you are just yourself nothing left to say have? Then consider the following:

  • Do you know each other for a very long time and have you just developed in different directions? This is not bad at all and is a completely normal process. In the course of our lives we have so many companions, very few and special friendships last for decades.
  • Make it clear whether you just want to keep the time together in good memory. You may also want to end the friendship because you feel forced to hold meetings or invitations.
  • Think about whether it is enough to simply reduce the contact so that you can congratulate yourself on your birthday and greet you on the street without feeling deep obligations.

End friendship: how can you proceed

Talking together makes it easier to end a friendship.
(Photo: CC0 / Pixabay / Free-Photos)

You have decided that you would like to end the friendship. Both sides are best helped if the "separation" is fair and undramatic. Here are some tips on how to do that Break up with friends can work if you still have a lot of contact:

  • Drawing a line by SMS is just as inappropriate between friends as when you end a love affair. The personal conversation is the most unpleasant but best way to end a friendship.
  • Wait for the right moment. If your friend is personally in a deep crisis, you’d better postpone the confrontation.
  • Ask your friend for a face-to-face conversation in a neutral place.
  • Make sure to stay calm and explain factually why you no longer want to spend time with your counterpart. Avoid accusations and try to describe things from your point of view. It helps if you formulate sentences like this:
  • "It seems to me …".
  • "I feel your behavior as …".
  • "It hurts me if …".
  • Never push your boyfriend into the corner with accusations or negative emotions. Also give him the space to describe his view to understand his behavior.
  • Draw clear boundaries for your future communication. Say what you want. Whether it’s okay to greet each other or if you no longer want to have any contact.
  • If possible, be happy to end the conversation with something positive. A nice memory together or an appreciation of your friend. So you diverge respectfully. 
  • If a conversation is not possible, then end your friendship by letter (not by SMS!). But also here, make sure to stay fair and not to blame yourself. Explain your point of view and forego justification. You should also end the letter with how you imagine your future contact.

    It is not always necessary to end a friendship with a conversation. If you hardly hear from each other anymore, it is not necessary to hit the table with your hand. If there are no major unresolved conflicts between you, you can just let the contact go in the sand.

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